So on Sunday i went and helped a friend to pack up his house... because he was moving.
My disclaimer is that i admittedly didn't help that much - minimal shleppage.
In anycase, what i found remarkable were a couple of things:
1. my friend had specified a time - come from two till four and i'll provide a feed - was the message. So i was running late and had some issues with glasses (youknow) and cars, and i rang to ask if it was okay that i come later. He said "Sure, totally. You are doing me a favour."
And i found that odd. I think the mentality that i have grown up with is this vicious cycle of asking x to do something, then x agreeing. Then if x has a problem, I may become resentful. BECAUSE I FORGOT THAT x WAS DOING ME A FAVOUR. Or on the other hand, me agreeing, and me feeling dreadfully bad, because i know that the other person is getting resentful. AND IT'S TOTALLY THE WRONG ATTITUDE (at least in the small scale of things).
2. My friend didn't start packing till 2pm. And he had to leave that night. Because he was relying on friends. And he had provided alcohol. And he was drinking. AND IT WAS TOTALLY LAID BACK. I am just astounded. If that were me, i'd be barking orders and barking mad.
I'd be like Nurse Rattched with a height complex.
I just don't know how he did it, but i'm going to try to aim for that mentality.
3. In return for my help, my friend wanted to give some food or something as a gift in return. My mentality is "i'll help you, and if the same circumstance arise for me, you can help me". So like, if i had to move house, he would help me.
My mentality means that the help payment is pending. I'll help you now, and later you can help me.
His mentality is to shed the help responsibility and get the reciprocity over with.
And there are pro's and con's to each mentality, i'm just noting the differences!
Anyways, I know it's a little lame to learn from a house moving expedition, but seriously man, i'm feeling like a sponge at the moment. I'm just soaking it all in.
(oh, by the by, i didn't let my friend reciprocate yesterday. I told him that when i move house, I'll call on him)
My disclaimer is that i admittedly didn't help that much - minimal shleppage.
In anycase, what i found remarkable were a couple of things:
1. my friend had specified a time - come from two till four and i'll provide a feed - was the message. So i was running late and had some issues with glasses (youknow) and cars, and i rang to ask if it was okay that i come later. He said "Sure, totally. You are doing me a favour."
And i found that odd. I think the mentality that i have grown up with is this vicious cycle of asking x to do something, then x agreeing. Then if x has a problem, I may become resentful. BECAUSE I FORGOT THAT x WAS DOING ME A FAVOUR. Or on the other hand, me agreeing, and me feeling dreadfully bad, because i know that the other person is getting resentful. AND IT'S TOTALLY THE WRONG ATTITUDE (at least in the small scale of things).
2. My friend didn't start packing till 2pm. And he had to leave that night. Because he was relying on friends. And he had provided alcohol. And he was drinking. AND IT WAS TOTALLY LAID BACK. I am just astounded. If that were me, i'd be barking orders and barking mad.
I'd be like Nurse Rattched with a height complex.
I just don't know how he did it, but i'm going to try to aim for that mentality.
3. In return for my help, my friend wanted to give some food or something as a gift in return. My mentality is "i'll help you, and if the same circumstance arise for me, you can help me". So like, if i had to move house, he would help me.
My mentality means that the help payment is pending. I'll help you now, and later you can help me.
His mentality is to shed the help responsibility and get the reciprocity over with.
And there are pro's and con's to each mentality, i'm just noting the differences!
Anyways, I know it's a little lame to learn from a house moving expedition, but seriously man, i'm feeling like a sponge at the moment. I'm just soaking it all in.
(oh, by the by, i didn't let my friend reciprocate yesterday. I told him that when i move house, I'll call on him)
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