BLOG POST.
On a shit computer!!
YAY!!
What can i tell y'all?

WE FINALLY LEFT VARKALA.

I think we did so a little late if you ask me but it's great to be out of there. We went from Varkala to Enerkaulam (spelling?) and spent the arvo there -
We went to see the NEW james bond. It was like everything fell into place and we had enough time to see it.
I won't lie, it was beyond crap.
Like it just was SO BAD. I have even reverted to using the word 'like' to describe it.
Firstly, Bond pouts like a girl. Like Jennifer Garner from Alias, he has this one look that is meant to be neutral but really he just looks like Ben Stiller in Zoolander - but taking himself WAY TO SERIOUSLY.
Secondly they cut the sex scenes. Now everyone knows that you only watch Bond movies for the cool cars and for the beautiful women. WELL DAMMIT i want to see them kiss.. it's like giving someone cake and then nastily snatching it away. That said they left this very weird Bondage scene in (haha because it was Bond.. and literally Bondage.. well if you have seen it you will know what i am talking about). There was also an interval (annoying). Luckily we only paid $1.60 to see it.
THEN ohmygosh the BUS FROM HELL. WORSE than to Mysore. We sat in front of a dry wretching man who sounding like he could not stop throwing up. It was like he had mouth diarrhoea in a literal sense (note; word of evening - literal). We didn't even have a whole seat to ourselves - cramped for 15 hours it was terrible. and our bags were on the floor and trodden on by many Indian men. Yeah then in Bangalore we treated ourselves to YUM Chinese.

THEN (well now) we are in Hampi. Which is a great change of scene - we needed to leave the beach. I also need to remind you and myself to tell you about the Varkala Victims, the Kerala Coffee House boys and the accidental heartbreaks i caused. Yes.


NO TIME NOW THOUGH! Or maybe i do, because sarah isn't finished.

I'll start with the Varkala Victims and Kerala Coffee house boys.
So you know i was telling you about the waiter who kept giving me strong drinks? He was from the Kerala Coffee house. These boys are INFAMOUS in Varkala for their womanising ways.. they have girls and girls, and the stories you hear! wow.
Don't worry, we did NOT get involved with that lot.
Anyways there is this drummer (remember the song i was talking about? he drums in that song). So we were speaking to this guy (who is a senior correspondent for the Kahleej Times (English speaking newpaper based from Dubai - most influential in Middle East) who was giving us the in's and out's (i mention the journalist stuff because it makes him sound very credible, which i believe he is.. and also it sounds cool, let's not delude ourselves)) who told us that this drummer only had to look at a girl and the girl would be his (as IF that would ever work on me, i mean really.)
So the drum has gone all 'whipped' for one girl. So he is 'faithful' to her. Okay so pause there. Let's move to a new scene - on the patio of our Varkalan guest house. This German/French lady came and spoke to us. Actually we figured something was off when she said she went to an Ashram (why on EARTH would you do that?? no, no I am just being a snob). Okay so she said she was going to the coffee house boys, and she started telling us off this drama that unfolded with the drummer etc. So i said "beware of the drummer" in a mysterious voice (it wasn't even mysterious i just added in that adjective to make it all exciting). It was such an innocent comment.

Okay, fast forward, I'm walking along the cliff in Varkala when i stopped by a coffee house boy. He introduces me to this guy who says "you have been saying things about me and i want to know why". OMG. Like i felt so villainous and really confused - a stupid innocent comment and suddenly I am in grade two, India style.
So there i am, with nothing to defend myself with. Well you can bet your bloody ass that i turned that around and managed to incriminate this german/french girl whilst making this guy appear silly for even listening to gossip and trying to explain how he had blown this whole thing out of proportion. So in the end i laughed and said i thought it was ridiculous. I walked away and couldn't even believed it had happened... I WAS TOLD OFF IN INDIA FOR SOMETHING SO STUPID.
IT doesn't end there. (it never does for me)
I was walking back when ENTER FIONA.
Fiona is the 'steady girl' of the drummer. She clearly had a vested interest in speaking to me. SO i said right away "I don't even want to engage in this ridiculous highschool drama but i will just say that one comment was innocently taken out of proportion. I am NOT a bad person". So she said "Oh yeah I'm not listening to any of it."
"But you know," She says, "you really shouldnt talk with other people listening."
OH MY GOSH.
SO i shout "I wasn't talking with other people listening - i was in my BLOODY GUEST HOUSE and i said it to YOUR FRIEND (because they were friends) and NOW this is all pathetically stupid. EVERYONE gossips and drops comments, it's the HUMAN CONDITION. I have had enough of this teenage drama".
So she says "oh."
She continues "so really it was the French/german girl stirring things up".
"YES", i shout.
"Oh." she says.
So she told me to come for a beer later, and that was that. (I would like to make the judgemental judgement that these Varkalan Victims are all pretty dense. I mean some of these tourist girls are just really silly when it comes to these Indian men..)

Talk about small town drama! I couldn't stop laughing on the way to meet sarah.

As for the heartbreaking.. I'll leave that for another time...